Thursday, 1 February 2018

Learning to love yourself


This is an open letter straight from the heart for myself and whoever wishes to read any further, this is a reminder to us all to be strong, be proud of who we are and to never give up.

Everyone goes through difficult times and has dealt with difficult situations, but what I've learnt is no matter how large or small this event in your life was, each person will deal with it in a different way.

After all this is just another chapter in our lives that we will one day look back on, so why spend your life wasting time dwelling on the past and allowing negativity to take over your emotions.

1. Leaving negativity behind and accepting whats not meant to be

This is one of the hardest parts of growing up, knowing whats right and wrong when dealing with negative situations whilst you're still learning so much.

Believe me when I say this, and I say it with a heavy heart, that I've always believed you should try your hardest to keep a friendship going for as long as you possibly can. There is no such thing as perfect and it's how you deal with the tough situations that show yourself how much you're willing to fight for it to change and keep it going.

Knowing when a relationship becomes destructive to your mental health isn't always the easiest to see, but people aren't always meant to be and if you know the time has come to leave it behind, do it for yourself and put yourself first.

You are the most important person in all of this and if deep down you know things will never change and you're unhappy, leave it behind, because right around the corner are people who will see the amazing person you know you are.


2. Stop people pleasing and do what makes YOU happy 

You will find as you get older you will start to like new things, dislike aspect of your life you once enjoyed and yes, you will outgrow people.

Finding a balance between doing what makes everyone else happy and making sure you are yourself isn't always the easiest thing, but you are the main priority in all of this. You should never be putting yourself in situations which you dread or leave afterwards feeling insecure, life is too short to be this unhappy.

Put your own mental health first and explain to the people around you whats going on, talk to your friends and family about how you're feeling.


3. Forgive yourself

Firstly it's okay not to be okay and it's okay not to be perfect. If anyone in life tells you they have never regretted anything and are completely happy with themselves, I will be extremely surprised.


By forgiving yourself you will realise that all the things that have happened to you have made you the person you are today. From the bad to the good each moment has taught us something new about ourselves.

This doesn't mean we won't necessarily make the same mistakes again, but it does mean that we will learn something new about ourselves each time and grow in the process.

Tomorrow as a brand new day, who cares that we ate all the chocolates last week or tripped up the stairs three years ago?


4. Stop waiting for things to happen

So basically reality sucks and in case you didn't know already, life isn't like the fairytales we read when we were younger.


The reality for the majority of us is working a full time job where we go through similar day to day routines with the occasional night out or shopping trip on the weekends.

Not long before I turned twenty-five I found myself reaching that point in life where I didn't want to keep wishing I had my dream job, but I wanted to actually be doing it.

At any age it's a scary thought having to go into a completely new profession where you will have to learn new skills all over again. There's going to be doubt and of course the fear of failing. What I kept saying to myself though was do I really want to be sitting here in a years time saying the same thing to myself?

I finally made the leap to change my career and it was the best thing I ever did. Yes it was hard work, yes it was scary (especially being that bit older and having responsibilities and bills to pay) but now I'm in an amazing situation where I get to work with the most amazing team each day doing what I love. If someone asked you if you loved your job, could you honestly say yes?


5. Stop comparing yourself to others 

This has been the hardest of all the stage in learning to love myself, it's not as easy as a click of the fingers to stop comparing what you have to others.


One of the most difficult parts of this for me was body shaming. I've always felt so strongly towards people 'skinny shaming' and hearing comments about how someone looks.

The way the media portrays figures and comments on people for being over weight or too skinny, upsets me massively. I believe it plays such a huge role in why we compare ourselves so much and why we are never happy with the bodies we are in.

My 'being body positive' started around a year ago now where I started posting regularly expressing my progress on fitness, eating and what my current body type is. My aim was to share with people that your body changes all the time and that no matter what size you are we are all different in some way.



I really hope 2018 is the year you become the person you want to be, and to those of you who have already reached that point in your life I hope you never loose the strength you currently have. Life is too short to be anything less than happy, never forget that.

It's taken me a long time to get where I am today and I can honestly say it's not been an easy journey. Just remember tomorrow is a brand new day and anything is possible when you believe in yourself.

Shop the outfit:
Dress: Matalan
Top: Miss Guided 
Shoes: Dorothy Perkins


*Photos taken by Leon Guest Photography. 
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60 comments

  1. This is amazing Alys I definitely needed to read all this, you were right!!!! This is the year I start to be more positive, love myself and live life how I want it and this post has pushed me to do that even more! So thank you for sharing this.

    KJ x / www.kiirstenjones.com

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    1. Thank you so much Kirsten, it was difficult to write but I'm so pleased I did. You're so amazing girly, please don't forget that!

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  2. Really needed this post, and everything you wrote I felt like I could really relate to it as well! I loved what you said about living a life full of regrets and what ifs is just not the path anyone wants to go down, so if facing fears and doing things that scare you is the way to get away from that, then we should all do that and just go for things!

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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    1. I'm so happy this helped you, it means so much to me to read this. X

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  3. This is all such amazing advice and I can relate to this so much. I'm the biggest people pleaser and I always try to hang on to friendships if I think there's ANY chance it can be salvaged even if I should probably say goodbye. I'm also my biggest critic. This is an amazing post! 💕

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

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    1. Thank you Sophie! There's nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, you just have to make sure you're doing what makes you happy and not putting yourself at a disadvantage that's all. Xx

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  4. Hi, this is some great tips and something we should all pay attention to. I think stop trying to compare yourself to others is one of the hardest to do.

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    1. I completely agree, with the way the world is now it's so hard not to compare yourself to others, but I feel that eventually we will all grow to be more confident in who we are if we keep telling ourselves we are beautiful just as are X

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  5. Yeeesss!! This post is AWESOME! I love everything you said here Alys. Well done for going for a career change, that is so brave & inspirational. Also, punk rock - you are my kinda girl! Keep being you <3 xx

    Bexa | www.hellobexa.com

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    1. Thank you so much! It was the scariest thing I've ever done, but having done it over a year ago now and learnt so much in this time, I would tell everyone not to wait for things to happen and to just go for it now!

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  6. This is such a well written an relatable post. I used to have friends who constantly were putting me down and brining negativity into my life, and I held onto those friendships. Looking back now, this was the wrong thing to do, but we live and learn! I hope you’re okay, and I’m so glad that you’re feeling more positive in yourself! Great post!

    Grace x
    http://loveellenagrace.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. It's most definitely one of the harder things to overcome, seeing a relationship that has become a negative part on your health, and finding ways to be strong enough in walking away. I'm so pleased that you were able to come out of this seeing it as a positive thing though, as it's not worth it. Life is too short to be anything but happy!

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  7. This is such an inspirational post and all the points covered are so true! Personally, I struggle with saying no to things I don't want to do, so will hopefully be working on that this year. Your post has definitely motivated me

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    1. So many people have been saying the same thing about struggling to say no, and that's okay. We are all trying to get through our days, and sometimes it takes time.

      Thank you so much for the kind words, it means more than you know!

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  8. Ah this is beautiful, Alys. I think that point about accepting what is not meant to be is one of the hardest lessons to learn when growing up, and it's still something I struggle with now. When you want something so much, whatever it may be, it can be so extremely hard to accept that it's not on the cards for you. It can make life feel so unfair. These are such good tips and ones that I think have to be reinforced throughout life, not just in your teens or when you're 'growing up'. We're constantly 'relapsing' if you like, into old habits, old ways of thinking, and old behaviours. Every so often its important to step back and make sure that you're still moving forwards, and not taking step backwards.

    whatevawears.co.uk

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    1. It's honestly comments like this that make blogging worth while. Thank you so much, honestly. You completely get where I'm coming from and it's so amazing to read X

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  9. I really needed to read this post today! Such a great read. X

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    1. So happy I could help in any way, you're amazing, keep being you Tara!

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  10. Awesome post! Really inspiring :)

    Annie xx

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  11. Wow everyone needs to read this! Thank you for such an inspiring post! Very well said! Xo

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    1. Really appreciate your kind words Gabbie, thank you X

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  12. I absolutely love this- its something everyone should read!! :) I'm determined that this is the year I'm going to stop caring about what other people think and just do what makes me happy for once!x

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  13. A true post that most people can relate too. Well thought out.

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  14. Yes yes yes! This is an amazing post! Waiting for things to happen won't get you anywhere; you need to take action yourself. Great post!
    Ellie | elliekblog.blogspot.co.uk xx

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    1. So true Ellie, you need to be the one who makes the change you so want to see!

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  15. This is such an empowering post! So much of your advice is so true and I'm certainly going to start working on being the me I love and enjoy being!
    Ameet

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    1. Thank you Amber! I'm so overwhelmed with the response of this post that its made how hard it was to write it, completely worth it!

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  16. number 5 is my issue im working on I seem to always compare instead of just loving and living me! def a 2018 goal! Great post!

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    1. I really hope you are able to work towards it in 2018. As long as you're happy that's all that matters!

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  17. This couldn’t be more true!! 🙌🏼 I agree with every single thing you’ve written and I’m definitely going to work on myself and making myself happy! ❤️❤️❤️

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  18. This is such a great post - it's so inspiring and relatable! You make such good points, it can be tough sometimes to stop comparing yourself to others. Definitely going to try listen to what you say in these points!

    Amy,
    https://creativenails.uk

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  19. This is such an inspirational post for the valuable and important advice! All your advice is especially upon forgiving yourself. I think that could be massively important in helping the person overcome any guilt they may feel. Thanks for sharing

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    1. Exactly, this is all about making sure each and every person who reads this knows that they need to start putting themselves first, because at the end of the day, we all need to put ourselves first and make sure we live life to the fullest!

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  20. What a lovely letter you wrote to yourself and to me 😁❤️. I love the part on not comparing yourself to others. I deep down do that on accident...

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    1. It's so easy to do, that sometimes I forget myself sometimes that there is no need to keep comparing yourself. We are all different at the end of the day, and being unique is what makes us all so special, so we need to just own it!

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  21. Great post that I think many including myself can relate to, thanks for sharing. Look forward to reading more from you :) Tinzrant x

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  22. Great read! I can relate to switching careers so much right now. I'm in the process at this very moment. It's so hard when you are older and trying to completely change your field. And then if you don't have the proper degrees and schooling for the career you are pursuing it can really be a struggle to stay motivated. I wish so much I would not have waited and will always tell anyone who listens to not put crap off until later. I'm regretting it now, thankfully I was laid off, as weird as that sounds to be thankful for, it really kicked me in the bum and motivated me to not wait any longer to pursue my dream job.

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    1. I'm so glad you did this! It's not easy as you know, and I know exactly what you mean on not having the correct degrees to apply for the roles we really want. I'm so sorry to hear you were laid off, but it sounds as though it was for the best and it has in fact given you that push you didn't realise you needed!

      Wishing you all the best for your new career path!

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  23. Lovely post. Sounds like very wise and mature words! Letting go of things that arent meant to be and living an authentic life are fantastic parts of growing up and shaking off peer pressure. Sarah Elle

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    1. I completely agree that as we get older and we mature, its clearer that people change and we start to recognise what is not necessarily meant to be a part of our lives anymore. Its easier to pick ourselves back up, because we have done it already so many times before!

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  24. I ws reading this post and every time I got to a new part I was like YES GIRL, YOU ARE SO RIGHT. TELL EM. I've especially been thinking about pleasing others lately. It's something I used to do a lot, but I've come to the realization that it's no way to live a live. Very inspiring post!!

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    1. YES GIRL. THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

      I'm so happy you enjoyed this post!

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  25. Wise words that I definitely need to follow! I really struggle with comparing myself to others so I plan to try and work on that. A brilliant post X

    Elise // elssthinks.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Elise. It all takes practice and the pressures of the media make it so difficult on us to not want to compare ourselves!

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  26. Some amazing advice! ill be sure to follow it, great post hun! xx

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  27. Lovely post!! When you let go and stop comparing yourself, magic definitely happens! You have to be a little bit selfish and do what you're passionate about for sure! You look lovely btw! x

    Yasmin 💗
    The Sweet Seven Five

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    1. Awh thank you, it was so nerve racking going out and having these photos taken, but this outfit here shows my style perfectly and that's all I could have asked for with them X

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  28. I definitely agree with the 'do what makes you happy' point - it is so easy to be a people pleaser. I also think that people should get out there and reach for their dreams, as it is horrible waiting around for something to happen!

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    1. I completely agree Kate, it can be the easier option to sit and think that next week, next month or next year you will make the change. What I came to realise though was that it was never really going to happen unless I put myself into a new situation and made the change NOW.

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  29. Lovely post Alys! I think I need to take note of all of these! I'm notoriously bad at treating myself well and definitely need to learn to care for myself better and do things for me and not others! Great post!

    Claire xxx
    http://eclairscares.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thank you Claire!

      Even if its going to see a film you like at the cinema, or choosing where you go for dinner tonight, just make sure you're doing things for you and not always what everyone else wants. Life is too short!

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  30. I think learning to forgive yourself is SO important. We can't go through our entire lives miserable about something we did in the past. We all mess up, it's totally normal and we deserve better than to beat ourselves up every day :)

    Jenny
    http://www.jennyinneverland.com

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    1. Exactly Jenny. I spent way to long dwelling on the past, only to reason, there is no point because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it but move on and learn from your mistakes.

      Thank you for reading girly!

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